07.08

Bone Path. Wand Path. Mossy Rock. Gorge Path. Dirt, grime, sweat, mud. Happy kids.

07.07

Everything started off wrong. But it ended up working out beautifully.

07.06

It's ridiculous of me to focus on the emptiness when there really is fullness all around.

07.05

They were so entranced with making this world for their queen frog. I just couldn't break it to them that the queen was dead. And I couldn't look either.

07.04

I asked him if this was the worst day of his life. He said it was the best. And that nearly every day was the best day of his life. How quickly he changes his tune.

07.03

If I just sat very still, I could pretend I wasn't that hot.

07.02

So many things went other than planned. I got a bit flustered but I didn't cry. That was one of my biggest triumphs in a while.

07.01

Summer is so much more bearable in lush grass and a steady breeze.

06.30

Definitions of summer are ever-changing. Today's: bare feet, bare little boy chests, bike helmets, sidewalk chalk, wet, grass-covered feet, remnants of ice cream on faces.

06.29

We've never lived here, but the place still feels like home.

06.28

Every day is a struggle not to make things all about me. I fail a lot. This day I failed more than usual.

06.27

He came up with an activity where we each told our favorite memory of cousin camping trips past. He's not going to be able to sleep because of the anticipation.

06.26

I wonder when the self-doubt ever lets up. I'm guessing never.

06.25

Home all day. Check one off the reading list.

06.24

Remnants of the party. It was exactly what he wanted. His friends, pool noodles, and pandemonium.

06.23

The day unfolded into a spontaneously perfect celebration.

06.22

I laid on my back and watched the leaves blow in the wind. I could see the spots in my eyes. I was on my front lawn again, a kid.

06.21

He was undefeated the whole day. Six straight wins.

06.20

A storm so big it darkened the entire morning. We turned on the lights and watched the city disappear.

06.19

The game wasn't a wash out. I was glad we all went.

06.18

Uncertainty occupies a lot of my brain. Is it too much?

06.17

I'll never actually accomplish everything I wrote on my list. But the things I do get done leave me feeling satisfied.

06.16

The anxiety nearly got the best of me. The field trip distracted me.

06.15

All of us were worried about them on Sunday. By Tuesday, we'd completely forgotten. On Wednesday, our forgotten worries were relieved.

06.14

He told me the names. I wrote them down. He included "grill" and "chair" when we ran out of family.

06.13

We covered ourselves with blankets as we sat in the grass and watched the boys play in the water.

06.12

We made it there intact. I considered that a huge success. And relief.

06.11

I take it as a good sign that they look forward to nights when mom is gone.

06.10

The entire evening was filled with storms. No one was scared. I love the coziness of our house during a storm.

06.09

I've been fighting it these last few days, but the heat finally wilted me.

06.08

With suddenness, things go from clear to muddled and back again.

06.07

I've got to get one of these.

06.06

Summer's exhaustion is a welcome thing. And different than the exhaustion we've been used to around here.

06.05

Watching the movies actually makes me feel sick. But it's a great excuse to sit outside as the sun paints its farewell.

06.04

Sometimes I don't want to keep my word. I want to say, "Because I don't want to and I'm the mom!" And I probably do that some days without even realizing it. But I didn't today. We went, during the game, in the heat.

06.03

I worked all day in preparation, but it was fun. Having so many friends here, fresh flowers, snacks, lovely things...it was a beautiful evening.

 

06.02

It is summer, but he still feels the chains of school. The time that is his own is never enough.

06.01

When, at the end of the day, my kids smell of sunscreen, chlorine, grass, and sweat, I feel like a good mom.

05.31

If summer could be spent on a soft patch of grass, under a shady tree, in the breeze, it could be survived.

05.30

Every day, I realize a little more how fortunate I am. I always have been. But it's easy to forget.

05.29

This role of "big cousin" is not one the boys are used to. They're usually just somewhere in the pack. But they're good at it. They love those kids. And we can see glimpses of the fun that's coming.

05.28

There's no stress a little baby-holding can't melt away.

05.27

When we're there, it's easy to settle down into summer. Bare feet through the grass. Breezes in the shade.  A baseball game at any moment.

05.26

It's probably true that every day holds unexpected events. I guess some of those surprises are just bigger than others.

05.25

It's all still fresh enough, I can remember it when it was all new. The faces, the impressions, the feelings. And honestly, it's so much better than I imagined. I felt a little bit giddy. I may have overlooked some minor infractions.

05.24

I was anxious to get home and make everything perfect. But as we talked, I wished I had no where to go.

05.23

Summer. I hope the reality is as good as the promise.

05.22

When I'm driving at night, a long way from home, I wish that the warm lit windows I pass were my own. And tonight, I'm here.

05.21

And so we begin a new technological chapter.

05.20

He's grown up a lot this year. Added a few "big kid" not-so-great habits. But there's still a lot of little boy in him. In both of them.